What causes and what are our desires?

 We can avoid pain, suffering, and frustration if we change how we treat our desires. To be "stuck" in wishing - wishing for something to happen to us that we want and that is pleasant while hoping to avoid the unpleasant is the primary source of suffering.

First of all, we get many of our desires at a "too high a price" - whether it is the second piece of cake, constant stimulation through TV or websites, intoxication, overwork, manipulating others to get approval or love. The consumerism-based lifestyle, widespread in Western countries, forces people to "eat" - often literally - much of the world's resources.

Similarly, many of the things we want to avoid - such as the discomfort of expressing our opinions, defending others, being emotionally vulnerable, some kind of psychological or spiritual growth, exercising, or following our own. " dreams "- in fact, would be excellent experiences for us and others around us.

Second, some desires are healthy to have, such as the desire to be safe, happy, healthy, and live with ease. It is natural to want to give and receive love, express yourself creatively, be financially stable, be respected, contribute, or have a successful career. And many small moments in life are pleasant and desirable, such as the first-morning coffee, walking through the woods, growing children, and laughing with friends at dinner.

But even with healthy desires and pleasures, problems come when we "hold on" to them, insisting that they continue, when we attach ourselves to them, and when we get angry when they stop. So the art is to pursue healthy desires with enthusiasm, discipline, and skill and enjoy life pleasures without being attached to them.

Because even the most pleasant experiences and the most desired desires end. You are routinely separated from the things you wish, and that separation will be permanent one day. Friends move away, children leave home, careers end, and in the future, your last breath comes and goes. So everything that begins must end.

Given this truth, being attached to or striving for the things we desire is hopeless and painful. To use the analogy of Ayan Cha: "If you are upset about something unpleasant, it is like being bitten by a snake, and wishing or longing for what is pleasant is like holding the snake's tail, sooner or later the snake will bite you."

Therefore, non-attachment to desires is helpful in everyday life and allows you to live more accessible and have more minor problems. But, on the other hand, living with our desires is a powerful means of freeing ourselves from all the suffering rooted in our desires.

How?

For a start, be aware of the desires that appear in your mind. Try to note:

- how the desire itself subtly causes a feeling of tension or discomfort;

-emotional pain if you do not get what you want. Including disappointment, frustration, discouragement - maybe even hopelessness and despair;

- the frequent mismatch between the rewards you expected from the wish and the real feelings you have after it is fulfilled. Similarly, notice that the anticipated pain from the things you want to avoid (especially the things that would be good for you to do) is worse than the discomfort you will experience while doing something. In fact, your brain routinely lies to you, promising more pain and pleasure than you will actually experience. The reason for this is that the circuits of pleasure and pain in our brains are ancient and primitive, and they manipulated our ancestors to do the things they needed to survive by exaggerating the apparent possibilities and intimidating the obvious risks;

-any pleasant experience is inevitable to change and end.

Next, imagine watching your desires from a great distance, watching them descend from the top of a mountain to the valley. Let them move like clouds in the vast sky of consciousness. They are just mental content, like sensations, thoughts, or memories. Do not give them special status. They are just wishes. There is no need to act on them. Usually, the desires go away after a while.

Then, on a piece of paper or in your mind, make a list of your most problematic wishes:

-works that you wanted to get but are not suitable for you or others, or come at a "too high a price."

-works that you wanted to avoid but are good for you and others

Live with this list and make a plan for committing to making a list. Then, follow the program and if you want to share it with your loved ones or maybe an expert.

Also, make a list of healthy wishes that you would like to pursue more. Some of them may match the list above for things you want to avoid. Make a simple plan for how you will commit to making a list. Your healthy desires will help you get rid of other desires.

Although it is easier said than done, make two wish lists, try to be aware of the problems you face, and start observing your wishes and reactions. After looking at the garden - it's time to take out the weeds and plant the flowers.