Inherited patterns of behavior, thinking, and feeling

 Every person who is on the path of self-knowledge, I believe, wants to have a clear picture of what influenced their behavior, opinion, or feeling the most to be the person he/she is now and here.

But to get that insight, each of us needs to carefully analyze his life to remember what he was exposed to during the first years of his life. In that journey towards oneself, it is necessary to confront and introspect all one's reactions - rebellions, freezes, or withdrawals, to the various influences. Whether you are analyzing your own life or with a professional therapist, there is no doubt that you need to go back and find out what you have missed through the "lessons" you have learned through your life events and experiences.

The most helpful question in that journey is, "What did I learn from that experience?" Or "Has this happened to me before, and what lesson did I miss then?" In addition, it is essential to analyze what is external in this process. Influences you had to play the experience. When we talk about external forces, I mean the result of those who nurtured and cared for you in the earliest years (most often they are parents, but sometimes they are grandparents, guardians, or another important person who was present for us at that time). In the same context, you need to analyze your family customs and habits, opinions, behavior, education, interests, etc.

But there is no doubt that the most significant influence on ourselves has undoubtedly been made by our parents, whose power is directly in our subconscious and should be the subject of our individual analysis. Even if you had a happy childhood, the reasons for who you are now are always lying there.

Here I must emphasize that it does not matter whether someone's life was good or bad, happy or unhappy, whether the experiences are terrible or insignificant. It is important how the person reacted to the events in his life and to what extent those events affected the present life. The list of behaviors, opinions, and emotions we receive from our parents should be explored to see early personality programming.

So a newborn entering the world enters a family where his parents have already established patterns of behavior, thinking, and feeling. We know that our parents' behavior directly affects us because our survival as babies depends on the power and ability of our parents as our authorities, but also on our ability to adapt to their needs and demands on us. Sometimes unrealized expectations of parents, desires, and ambitions are transferred to the life and behavior of the child. When he grows up, the person will be per their projections.

Projection - Animus and Anima

All the people of the world, consciously or unconsciously, seek unity, union with themselves, inner peace, and balance. Everyone strives for harmony with themselves and agreement with the opposite part of us. But to become one with ourselves, we should avoid projecting ourselves into the persons with whom we dominate and expect the other party to be here to meet our own or others' needs. These projections hinder our growth and development and put a heavy burden on the back of the person who agreed to wear this projection - most often our partners.

We all project many parts of ourselves towards other people who then reflect on us. In that unconscious process, we expect the opposite person to accept the role we have unconsciously assigned or projected on them, and we "normally" expect them to play it for us.

By projecting parts of ourselves onto the partner or dominant people in our lives (boss, friends, child), we expect them to act as we think. In that case, we play the role of a doll who pulls the strings of the other beauty (person), and thus we try to force the other person (unconsciously) to be a doll that dances to our tune. But let us not forget that the other person also has his own melody, which may be different from ours. At the same time, the other person projects some of his own aspects on us, creating a double projection or control. One of the most common projections made in every day (love) life is the projection of anima in males (female model lying in the male subconscious) and animus in females (male model lying in the female subconscious). The result of this projection is a symbiotic relationship between the partners. In some love affairs, this is the basis for the misconception that they are "two bodies and one soul." Some couples even believe that they have found their soul mate. People tend to fall in love with a man who unknowingly reminds them of the other half of themselves. They see parts of themselves as their reflection in one mirror, while at the same time, they see the other person in the mirror.

Now to complicate the situation to the core is to understand that the anima in men (the female model that lies in the subconscious of a man) and the animus in women (the male model that lies in the subconscious of a woman) are the parts of the first person programmed and who have projected their work on us. And the earliest programming is adopted by parents or, as I said, other important people who did not keep or play a significant role when we were little. So a boy will find his "perfect" half, following the example of his anima (the female aspect in himself) that he has created and taken over from his mother. In girls, on the contrary, they choose their partner according to the internally conceived animus (the male aspect in themselves), which is built according to the characteristics of their father.

This early programming, which is unconscious, goes so far as to look for its other half, the inner anime or animus, in the other person, people find a replacement for their mother or father.

Many marriages and relationships are actually alliances between different designed couples, rather than between real people, in which men seek a mother and women seek a father in their spouse, forcing their partner to play the role of parent, putting themselves in the part of the child. . Unfortunately, this situation is unprofitable in the long run. It often ends in illness, divorce, or unhappy life. A person may, at first, be willing to take on the role (it is unconsciously determined in the phase of fascination and infatuation) of a Parent or Child (using the terminology of transactional analysis, etc., by Eric Byrne). Still, in doing so, The "child" in the partner remains in the role of a child. That relationship can not develop and flourish because the "child" does not take responsibility, has the right to outbursts and mistakes, does not care about the future, the consequences, etc. While the other person is constantly in the role of "parent," only he is responsible for reward, punishment, rules and control, and other parental measures.

Whenever we project our parts into other people, we give them power and control over us. Similarly, when we accept another person's projection on us, we steal from ourselves the opportunity to mature and use our full potential. Therefore, everyone should understand that he should become a parent of his inner child. No one should hand over this task to anyone else! We all have the potential to become integrated beings. Still, we must integrate our child into ourselves, become aware of the roles our parents have given us, or make new decisions instead of what we decided at an early age. To succeed, we need to contact ourselves and discover those parts of us that frighten us or hide them from us and, most importantly, resist the temptation to expect others to play that game for us. Like polishing a diamond, we need to remove the inside contents to shine with a crystalline luster. None of us can become a complete and balanced person until we accept and take responsibility for all our parts, responsibility for our own Yin and Yang, for the feminine and masculine principle in us.

Various methods can achieve this balance, but what amazes me in the last year is the participants' success with the Phyllis Crystal "Unblocking" technique that works through symbols used as tools to get into contact with the so-called inner wisdom and cosmic parents. It is about untying people who did not program in childhood. It is about going back in time and freeing ourselves from old experiences, negative emotions, or decisions that are buried deep inside and limit us in building a healthy and authentic life with ourselves and others. Also, through this technique in a very spontaneous way, one comes in contact with one's own Anima / Animus, which was the subject of analysis of this text.

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